Porn Annoyances #2: WTF, Japan?

Nearly everything that comes out of Japan is weird and disturbing, and their porn is no exception. Where to even begin?
First off, it’s censored. No matter how hardcore the porn may be, they still blur it so that you can’t see any genitals. I’m not sure if you’d want to see them, though, considering that most of the people in the videos have wild, untamed pubic hair for some reason. It isn’t 1974, there’s nothing sexy about growing a full beard in your pants. I thought Japanese people were supposed to be good at gardening…

Secondly, the dicks in Japanese porn are usually small (and look even smaller, thanks to the long pubes), and I think this explains why they’re always doing weird shit to the girls instead of just having sex. If I was hung like a 9 year old, I’d probably be looking for other ways to get off too. Since having sex is embarrassing for the guys, they just try and make it even more embarrassing for the women, making them take octopuses and other weird shit instead. It’s disgusting.

So with the blurred sex, pube forests, squid stuffing and depressing wangs (not to mention all the insane scat, vomit and bukakke videos), Japanese porn is a weird mess of bullshit that is less about sex and more about humiliation. Because of this, many Japanese men now resort to masturbating to cartoons in which noseless girls with huge eyes are raped by giant, multi-dicked alien tentacle monsters…

This is what happens when you drop an atomic bomb on a country, twice.